A WANNABE FRANCISCAN MISSIONARY, AND A DISCIPLE OF ST. ARBUCKS

Saturday, November 10, 2007

hidden (re-entry as it can be)


I am on PEI, and yet I have hidden myself here. Noone knows I'm back, and those that suspect I've returned don't know where I am. I need time. I need time to process life and everything that it involves. I usually say that my stubborness is my best and worst asset; now I can add my thought life to that as well. It can be a great addition or a terrible pit. There is lots to think about, and I just want to shut myself off. Alas, I am back to PEI, and there will be business upon business as everyone will undoubtedly want to meet and hear lots of stories, etc.

I dont really know what to do, or how to feel, or anything at all right now. I just want to escape by myself for awhile. Lock myself away for about a week and have no communication with absolutely anything except God. I desire His friendship right now as much as I would desire air if I were being held under water. Quietness and peace are necessities I cannot be without in this time. I should just stop; there are people in this world who actually have a good reason to feel........................I cant think of a good word to describe how I feel. Sometimes missionaries lead lonely lives. Maybe they don't, but maybe sometimes they feel like they do. It's part of the cost, I guess. I don't know. I'm tired and need God to minister to me; goodnight. I hope He fills all our sleep tonight with dreams of encouragement.