The last few days my mind has been wandering back to Mozambique. I sit here on PEI and judge myself on every word, thought, and deed; and I don't measure up. Mozambique was a place God took me and changed me. The first time I was there it was April/04 for 2 short weeks; I had only been a Christian for 2.5 short years. But God had plans that had to bear fruit. The hospital in downtown Maputo broke my heart as no other place on earth had done. Noone refused the prayers of a white man who couldn't even communicate with those whom I ministered to. I grew up so much those two weeks; I returned not as Josh, but as Joshua.
For the next 7 weeks after that trip, I was a total mess. I avoided almost everyone in my church (hiding behind my drumset till everyone left). I woke up in the middle of the night with tears streaming down my face.....so many nights. It was almost unbearable. God told me,"Don't ask for these feelings to be taken away, cause they won't be. This is part of My Will for your life." I was literally dying inside.
My life hasn't been the same since then. I've been back to Mozambique twice. Thoughts of foreign missions consumes me. Everyday I wrestle with the impulse to just "Go!" I hold myself back, telling myself that it's just a matter of time before I am back on the foreign mission field. I fill my time with preparation. Getting a solid Biblical foundation into my very being so I can go, teach, admonish, edify, impart, love, but most of all.....die. Die to this world, die to all it's filth, die to myself. After all, haven't I been crucified with Christ? Isn't it no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me? And isn't the life I now live in the flesh, the life I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me? (Galations 2:20) Isn't this what I profess to believe? 
It's not that I don't appreciate PEI. On the contrary, I think it might be the best place on earth to live. But am I called by God to stay here. I don't have to think about that question for a moment, cause I already have the answer.----->
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