What to say? What to say?

Well then. This week has certainly been intense. One of the most intense, I ask myself? Yes, absolutely. Questions and issues have arisen, and I've had to deal with them, somewhat. Things I didn't want to admit.........I've had to. At the end of the day, the things that came up ended up to be truth. To have them not come up would've kept them classified as lies. I know I'm speaking cryptically, and that for a reason. Some know, some don't. I'm not getting into it. Is it over? I doubt it. I truly doubt it.

So, I leave for Mozambique in a few hours. My time on PEI was incredibly rushed and busy, but I think I've gotten all done that I needed to. I would've liked to have been able to spend more time with my family, but time did not allow. I don't know what else to say. My mind is still a bit numb; it was quite a week.

So I sit here at my brother's, late at night, eating a Reese peanut butter cup, drinking Cranberry juice, listening to Coheed and Cambria, wondering at the next year of my life, praying for wisdom, and trying to release certain people to God. I can't wait to step foot onto the dirt of Mozambique. Oh to be back with the poor of the world, but the rich of the Kingdom!

grad photos

I was just playing around on the net and I was confronted by my Holy Given grad photo side by side with my Celebration Bible College grad photo. Can you tell the difference?

I would rather have someone I love hate me, but be free,
than love me, but be trapped.

life on PEI

Life on PEI is rather........................slow. Indeed. I've gotten to spend quite a bit of time with my family though, so thats pretty cool. The weather here has been fairly chilly. This wee has been a crazy busy one. I have had to do loads of administrative stuff in preparation of my year long trip to Africa. There seems to be no shortage of things that need being done. I've found it extremely hard to be able to crawl away and get time with God alone. Oh well, it's all good. I get to speak a bit at church this upcoming sunday; FaithWorks is having a commissioning service for me. Allin all, things are still very routine here. I gave up my permanent $17/hr job for the foreign mission field; some would think thats crazy, and of course, I agree. But I love it. Giving up 'security' to go do Kingdom work in the Third World. Is there any other way?

Of course not!

'Higher' vs 'Lower'

I was gettin ready to take a snooze earlier (yes I know, I'm getting old) when I believe God started talking to me about the whole 'higher' vs 'lower' dilemma that has plagued my mind for quite awhile now. Most of mainstream 'Christianity' has been obsessed with the 'higher' mentality. This consists of unnacountable prosperity, new anointings, personal visions, heavenly dreams, a new level, unrestricted health, etc etc etc. Now don't get me wrong, this is all good, if your heart attitude is pure.

The 'lower' mentality consists of giving up your very life, freeing yourself from materialism, being stretched to the very point of exasperation, praising God through the midst of times of trouble, being inconvenienced for the sake of ministry opportunity, etc etc etc.

Which do you prefer?

There once was an angel who constantly tried to attain to the 'higher'. It ended with him being cast down to the lowest position as it gets. His name was Lucifer. And there once was a Holy Servant who gave up His 'higher' position to go 'lower', and even died for those who were much less that Himself. His name was Jesus, and now He inhabits the highest position attainable.

Now which do you prefer?

I'm not saying it's easy. See, the main difference between the 'higher' and 'lower' mindsets is this: God has to set you on 'higher'. There is nothing you can do to reach that new level save by God soverignly placing you there. On the other hand, going 'lower' means sacrifice. It means giving. It involves practical application. It brings with it an opportunity to show how God has changed us. Nothing you can do can take you 'higher', but everything you do can take you 'lower'. It's a choice. One that involves cost.

Going 'lower' doesn't make a scapegoat out of the grace. It is grace.

somethings not right

I feel sick. I have literally almost thrown up about half a dozen times since I returned to PEI. It's not nerves about the future, which means.........God is not done with something.

Duffy's back on the Island...........

............but, is that a good thing? I think so. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's good to see friends and family, but I feel very uneasy about being home again. I absolutely love my family, and I totally know that God has brought me back here for a reason, even if it's for just a short time, but. It's an almost surreal feeling. It may sound harsh and cold, but it's just what it is. The last couple days in St Catharines were ones of immense intensity. I normally don't mind 'good-byes'; it's something that I have never had a hard thing doing. It was different this time. I had a time of prayer at the Vine with Earl, Kyle, and the Brown's on thursday night that has literally been unmatched in passion/intensity in my life. I left feeling incredibly heavy; drained. I said that I would not want many of those experiences to happen again (but would I?). The prayers prayed were ones of laid down desperation. Prayers that 'Christians' would like to pray, but don't really have the guts, or the belief, to. Not that we did either, but we were desperate for God to take away all of our peace apart from His will. Prayers that say, "Lord, give us no peace, no rest, no joy even, apart from Your will." Prayers like this aren't the glorious 'hallelujah' type we here in the west are accustomed to. They are born out of a soul's unequal hunger to be broken for the things that God's heart are broken over. These prayers hurt, and they're supposed to. A revivalist once said something to this effect: God makes things out of nothing. So until a man is nothing God cannot make something out of him. Thats hardcore. In this mindset, we bravely/stupidly pray, not knowing the dire consequences it will have on our life, our conscience, our decisions. Really though, is there any other way? There is, but it doesnt lead through the narrow gate, it leads through the wide one. I would like to have the time here on PEI to be introspective, but I simply don't. Maybe thats a good thing. There are some things in my mind now that are better not to think of.

In extrospect, Heymans dropped me off at the Toronto Airport this afternoon and I flew back to PEI. My mom and step dad, aunt, and brother, step sis, and nephew were all at the Charlottetown Airport to welcome me. I visited Danny on the way to Mom's and he insisted I drive his LeBaron convertible for a few days, and gave me some money to even gas it up. I am loved, and it's humbling. Sometimes thinking about how much God has blessed me, it's hard not to cry. Passion is burning in me right now, it's reaching a fever pitch. Times like this have been few, but they have been there nonetheless. Something immense has been birthed in these times in the past, but this time........? Potential; a big word. Can I tarry? I pray I can. Lord, help me. Strengthen me.

'Later' Redding, 'Gday' St Kits

On teusday morning I went out to breakfast with Jamie Human and I convinced her to come to Castle Crags with Heymans, Chad, Annika, Nathan, and I. It was an extremly hot day for hiking up mountains, but we braved the constant threat of mountain lions and had a great time. First we went to Shasta Lake, and then continued onto the hiking at Castle Crags. A couple of the boys were fairly stiff afterwards; I guess they can't keep up with the elders?!! It was a beautiful day for it though. We had our fill of that, and they we went back to Redding and ate some pizza and grabbed some 'Cold Stone', which is a SWEET ice cream shop. We dropped Jamie off and went over to Jaci's and just haung out for the rest of the evening. All were pretty tired and in need of some rest. We did climb a roof though, and Jaci got stuck up on it. Hahaha, it was only like 10ft high too!

Then yesterday, Chad dropped Josh Squared off at the Sacramento Airport and we spent the day flying home. Colin and Ashley picked us up in Buffalo and we landed at the Vine for a late night visit before retiring to Peter/Julie Karanfilis' for the night.

So Redding is done. It was surely one of the best weeks of my days. Now I'm in St Catharines till saturday, at which time I will return to PEI. The journey continues, in fact, it never really seems to end; thank God!

more from Redding

Yesterday, Josh Squared took in some sunday church here at Bethel. The was a guest speaker (Paul Goulet) who took the pulpit and spoke both services. The day was filled with absolutely amazing worship times. We here in the west are definitely spoiled!!

Today, Ty Hansen and some friendies pulled an 'Asian Invasion' and drove like 10 hours from Seattle to visit me here in Redding for 3 hours before leaving to drive the 10 hours home!! How crazy is that?! It was great to see him, but, wow, thats some crazy long driving for a 3 hour visit. 20 hours (approx) in total!! That's a good friend if I ever heard of one!

The weather today is like 33 degrees. It's incredibly hot. I guess I'm gettin prepared for Africa. I am actually REALLY looking forward to getting back overseas. It's gonna be wild.

So, I'm back to St Catharines on wednesday night till saturday. It will surely be good to see the 'Vine'er's again. Time is flyin. Below is a video from the sunday evening service here at Bethel Church in Redding. It was intense!

a day at Mt Lassen

Today was crazy awesome!! 9 of us cruised about 40min away to Mt Lassen to go hiking and climbing and the like. One of the best experiences I've had in a loooong time, indeed. We found this old rotten tree and 6 of us pushed it down. Then we spent a couple hours ascending this mountain and manuevering around the crazy terrain. We got to see some amazing panoramic views along the way, and we really got to reach some new levels of impartation? Maybe? Hmmmm? Whatever.

It all confirms something that is crucial.................................I am getting old!! I mean, we were all super tired. And I held up pretty well against the youngsters, but hey, I may be paying for it tomorrow. Also, sunscreen is a GOOD thing. Putting it on yourself before going out in the sun is even better. Not one of us seemed to think of this though. Tomorrow, I may be in the prayer line at Bethel!

Other than all that, last night we went to a friday night service at Bethal. Jason Westerfield was ministering. It was quite a Holy Ghost event; but he seemed a little scripturally innacurate to me. I mean, I like some crazy Christian things, but this was a little 'off the wall' in my opinion, and not in a good way. The worship was incredible, but the message and ministry time (excluding the worship) seemed like a mojor stretch. I am actually SO grateful for the 2 years I put in with Peter Youngren. Foundation is key!! And CBC is definitely putting some excellent foundation into their students.

So Redding has been pretty fun though. Chad has been an awesome host. It reminds me of my time in Franklin, Tennessee last summer. Redding is quite affluent; and it puts me out of my comfort zone, indeed. Bethel church is a wee bit trendy for me, but it is good, very. God is so very good, indeed.

BSSM worship time

in Redding

We (Heymans and I) hopped on a plane wednesday afternoon in Buffalo, and after brief stops in Baltimore, Nashville, and San Diego, we arrived in Sacramento. Jaci and Chad picked us up at the airport and we drove the 2 hours north to Redding. Good times. We had some good fellowship and stuff.

Right now we are at Bethel Church in the coffee shop. It's pretty trendy; moreso than St Catharines. It's pretty sweet though; I have seen 6 other HoGi's here besides Chad and Jaci. It's good to see them all on fire and still serving Jesus. Anyways, during class today Holy Ghost showed up and rocked the place..........HARDCORE!!!! All the class went on outreach so Heymans and I hung back just to chill at the church. Should be a rockin week.